ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Writers.
We're such egotistical creatures,
Lavish us with praise
Until we're gorged upon a petty inflation
Of our own souls,
And we'll walk through fire for you.
So kiss me.
We're such egotistical creatures,
Lavish us with praise
Until we're gorged upon a petty inflation
Of our own souls,
And we'll walk through fire for you.
So kiss me.
Literature
drafting
build forests from my fingers
and sandcastles in my heart,
singing
love, love.
singing
peace and love and bombs:
bombs of beauty
bombs of truth
bombs of "I'm coming home,
coming home to you"
leaving my boots at the door
never built a plane to carry death:
death and bombs- bombs without love
bombs without truth
sing to me of love and
we'll make a world for ourselves
under midnight moons
until you can build forests from my fingers
and grow roots in my soul,
twined in arms together:
strawberry blonde vines of love, love, love
a love that has never heard of angry
bombs.
and we will build a world for ourselves
in forts of b
Literature
nodus tollens
the rules of the bed are very simple
- you are given a body and a window.
everything is made difficult
- but you get participation prizes.
the aim is to find yourself
- hint: look between your fingers.
Literature
the recipe to foresight
it takes three voices to weave fate,
but only one to forge a chain
of actions and reactions,
all of their interactions,
melted down
and reduced
to their lasting consequences.
then melded shut and looped together,
laying out a trail,
a trail i'm set to follow,
leading to my jail.
no silken threads,
no breadcrumb trail,
but a prisoner's parade,
marching to the guillotine
in the very chains i made.
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
What? It's true.
For #theWrittenRevolution [link]
Critiques:
Does the word choice make sense? Is it too descriptive for the length of the poem?
Does the punctuation add or detract from the image? Should I add some variation?
Was the meaning clear enough? Did it encoourage a second read, or was it too obvious?
For #theWrittenRevolution [link]
Critiques:
Does the word choice make sense? Is it too descriptive for the length of the poem? Does the punctuation add or detract from the image? Should I add some variation? Was the meaning clear enough? Did it encoourage a second read, or was it too obvious? © 2012 - 2024 princesscharming101
Comments20
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Oh, I like this very much! 
Word Choice: I think your word choice is good, though I do have a couple niggles:
1. I would omit that last line. It totally pulled me out of the poem and I don't feel it actually adds anything of substance to what you have going.
2. "walk through fire" is a cliche. Writers have the power to do a lot more than that. What do we really do for the people we love? If I were answering that question, I'd say we immortalize them by writing them into our characters or our poems.
Punctuation: This is also pretty good. The poem flowed nicely. I think for the sake of grammatical etiquette that first comma should be changed to a dash, a semi-colon, or perhaps a period. Otherwise it all looks good. 
The meaning was very clear and quite obvious, but that didn't make the piece any less appealing. I love brevity in poems. 
Word Choice: I think your word choice is good, though I do have a couple niggles:1. I would omit that last line. It totally pulled me out of the poem and I don't feel it actually adds anything of substance to what you have going.
2. "walk through fire" is a cliche. Writers have the power to do a lot more than that. What do we really do for the people we love? If I were answering that question, I'd say we immortalize them by writing them into our characters or our poems.
Punctuation: This is also pretty good. The poem flowed nicely. I think for the sake of grammatical etiquette that first comma should be changed to a dash, a semi-colon, or perhaps a period. Otherwise it all looks good. The meaning was very clear and quite obvious, but that didn't make the piece any less appealing. I love brevity in poems.